So after a year of worrying that I'm not hurting enough over the untimely loss of my brother especially on holidays, birthdays, and today-the anniversary of his death- I realized that hurting more or less isn't important. It won't prove to anyone that I loved my brother, it won't prove that I miss him. I won't win the "who is hurting more" contest. I miss him everyday and part of me inside will always feel it. I loved him and miss him and there are good days and bad. So now with this year behind me and plenty in front of me it feels good to be able to understand that I don't have to be doubled over in the pain of the loss, there is no "right" amount of grief or pain.

But if you guys could do something for me? Call or contact a loved one you don't see very often and tell them you love them.
I last saw my brother 3 days before he died and I didn't tell him and I've spent the year trying to come to terms with that.

That's what hurts me the most about my great grandfather dying... it's funny... it took me about a year to cry over him and I was perfectly fine at the funeral even when other people were upset... but what bugs me most is that I didn't see him. We put it off when he was in the hospital... we'll go in next week, we kept saying...

And then he died. I don't think I'd seen him at all that year. And sure, the memory I have of him is a healthy one... but...



(hugs) And that's right, there's no right or wrong amount to hurt. I suppose yeah... it's been just over a year since my great grandfather died and some people might look at me and think I didn't grieve but this is just how I deal. There's no contest. Everyone deals with grief differently.

So yeah, I think I'll contact my grandpa who just got out of the hospital (another one) for you. Or maybe the other grandpa just because he lives far away so we don't see him much.

I'll be heading out to visit a branch of my family (grandmother, and a few cousins) this coming weekend! I'll make sure to do so, too often I take my living family members (and friends!) for granted.

This is a beautiful way to commemorate your brother. I'm glad you've come to terms with the event. (: